The bike is up for sale on Craigslist. The owner of this CR500 clearly knows who his market offering is going to appeal to – people with a sense of humour. Anyway below is the exact ad written by the owner himself.
OK, let me start off by saying this CR500af is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women).
If you wear white framed sun glasses or jeans with fancy pockets. . .get lost.
If you’re a spode that likes to ride down grass filled ditches in shorts and flip flops. . .don’t waste my time.
If your greatest talent is doing 3-foot long pop wheelies in front of your hillbilly friends in your cousin’s back yard while everyone drinks Budweiser. . .forget it!
If you rock out to Taylor Swift or Justin Beiber. . .Nope!
This is a 08 CRF450R chassis with a CR500 two stroke motor installed.
This Motorcycle was engineered by American warriors on the plains of the Midwest to serve the needs of the men, or women, that cheat death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous Nancy boy, contradictory decor in the form of Monster, Red Bull, Spy, Oakley, FMF, and Pro Circuit stickers plastered all over the bike. This bike looks legit because it is. If you want that extra crap go pay three times as much and buy a new CRF450R or a SH.
This brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 500cc two stroke engine with a KX500 Carb and FMF exhaust to outrun the bandito’s on your Baja adventure. It has a tall special blood/gore resistant seat and tall pegs, so if you’re being chased by terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your AR15 and ride at the same time. Why’s it got only one seat?” you ask. “How am I supposed to get action?” Child, listen. No one gets tail while on the bike. I know. I’ve tried. And, despite my extraordinary flexibility, exceptional agility and size 29 shoe size. . .the mechanics just don’t work.
Why am I selling it you ask?
Cause being alive rules, and I’m far too gnarly of a dude to keep this motorcycle. When I see a golf course, an interstate ramp, or 120ft Quad, I wanna hit them 5th gear pinned, and whip or back flip so hard it makes Travis Pastrana cry like a school girl! Hey I’ve experienced life. Now it’s your turn!
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $5200.00, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $500 for it. I will knock out what teeth you have left.
There’s only 7hrs on this two-wheeled beast. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Is it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double? You realize that once you claim this rig, you become a super chic magnet. Hotties within seven time zones will be ensnared by its gravitational pull.
If this is your future, then contact me.
I might be out killing big game in Africa with my bare hands, or gambling in Morocco, but I’ll get back to you.
And when I do, we can talk about a price over a bottle of Jack!
Pay Pal and sales help beware!
And no i don’t take personal checks from third world countries!